The cover story is about how we (parents, priests, religious, teachers) need to walk with the young. Here are the seven areas in which most young adolescents and young adults need clarity and guidance.
If you are working with youth—as a teacher or counsellor or trainer or guide—you need to be prepared to help them in these seven areas. These are typical areas of struggle for most young people, from early teens to early twenties. They are not just problems; they are areas rich in potential for growth. Any of these areas can turn out extremely positive and productive, or slip into unhappy or destructive patterns of behaviour. Youth is said to be a time of “crisis.” The original meaning of the work “crisis” is a bifurcation on the road, where we need to decide right and take the right path. We need to help the young to see right, and decide right and grow up right in these seven areas.
- New Relationship with Parents: “My parents are old-fashioned,” “My dad is too strict,” “My mom does not understand me.” Such comments are frequent among young people. This is a normal “rite of passage” for many adolescents. Probably their parents said similar things about their parents! As youngsters move from childhood to adolescence, they think differently, ask questions, look at a host of things differently from older people. Their tastes in friends or music or clothes may jar the parents. A certain amount of difference of opinion is bound to happen. Parents need to listen, be patient, and insist on what is essential.
- Relationships with their peers: Peer influence becomes strong in adolescence. A teenager dreads being rejected by one’s group, or thought out-dated or strange by them. In fact, they will want to talk and act and dress and move according to what their age groups does. The fear of being ridiculed by one’s peers or becoming an outsider is a tremendous fear that youngsters have. Hence the new hair styles or dress, the new slang, the pressure to blend in. Don’t worry too much about this change, unless they are going with negative types or developing destructive habits (drinking or drugs or smoking or unhealthy amusements). In a few years, they will think and talk like their parents.
- Physical and psychological development: The body changes so fast and in such a noticeable way. This makes boys and girls very self-conscious about their looks and figure. An overheard negative comment about one’s appearance can sound like a tragedy! With the physical changes come also the emotional changes, e.g., the shifting moods. A significant part of these changes, is, of course, the whole psycho-sexual maturation. Youngsters need support and understanding at this stage, and a caring grown-up who explains to them gently and patiently what is happening, how normal it is, and how to cope with the changes. A lot of one’s sense of the beauty of being a woman or a man, and a positive outlook on sexuality, depends on how adults helped them at this stage to understand themselves and grow into loving men and women.
- Study and preparation for work: The pressure of study can be very stressful, especially with children from ambitious families that want the “best” for their children, and who expect them to do extraordinarily well in examinations and selection tests. Many of today’s students are under tremendous pressure, especially those aiming at professional colleges. One area of help is to teach them how to study. Many do not have good methods of study, and get over-anxious.
- Preparation for marriage: Many young people today dread marriage, and are aware of the unhappiness they see in a significant number of married relatives. They wonder whether their own marriage will be happy. I know bright young college students who envy unmarried persons. Marriage is no picnic. It needs preparation, sacrifice, much patience and adjustment. Some organizations, e.g., the Catholic church, conducts marriage preparation courses for couples before they marry. Experience shows that this is a great help. The whole marriage scene is quite different today from what it was a generation ago.
- Religious and moral questions. When young people raise doubts about anything, grown-ups should not see it as rebellion or as a nuisance or sign of disrespect. It is a sign of interest. It shows they are growing up. It is natural they ask questions, and want convincing reasons for doing the things we ask them to do. It is not enough to tell them: “That is how things are. Just do what I tell you,” or “In our days, we did not ask all these questions.” It is much better that your son or daughter or student gets answers from you, or from another responsible adult than from wrong sources.
- Use of leisure. Older people like sameness. Youngsters like change and variety. Sameness spells boredom to a young person. So, if you work with young people, you need to know how to organize their free time in healthy and interesting ways. Activities such as walks, camp fires, musical evenings, field trips, volunteer work, sports, visits to museums, are all a part of youth work. You cannot do youth work by being desk-bound. Nor can you control youthful energy by asking them to keep quiet and be still. Too much free time or lack of activity will lead them to wrong activities or escapes into a fantasy world in unhealthy ways. It is better that young people have the freedom to make noise, run, jump around and play, than be kept in a rigid enclosure.
(Adapted from: Felix Koikara SDB & Joe Mannath SDB, Do It. Learnt It. Live It.)
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