How a tepid Catholic, far from God and the sacraments, met the Lord—and found healing, peace and a happy marriage
I was an occasional Sunday going catholic, happy to attend mass once a fortnight, receive communion once a year. Confession? I will tell you.
My marriage had started with a fight with my wife Margaret on our wedding day itself in the presence of all our guests. Our fights continued daily for fourteen years, until my wife was stricken with a backbone problem and the subsequent surgery made her a vegetable. It took her six weeks to sit, four months to stand.
I was invited by a couple from “Couples for Christ” to join the group. After joining, I went to Pota, Kerala, along with my wife and two children, for a retreat. There I discovered that I was a terrible sinner. God’s grace which made me go for confession after twenty-eight long years. In the retreat, I was told by nun who had the gift of prophecy that God has called me specifically to be an evangelist. In disbelief, I laughed at this prophecy within myself. How could a person who never opened the Bible be an evangelist at the age of forty-two? Plus: Margaret’s health did not improve at all.
On the way back to Goa by train, I was troubled by the nun’s prophecy. I told God: I do not believe this nun, but if you really want me to evangelize, then I will open my Bible just now, and what the nun is claiming has to be written on the left hand page. When I opened the Bible for the very first time in my life, there on the left hand corner I read, “In all your travels, whichever place you will go on earth, you will give the Good News of Salvation” (I was a sailor then). This same paragraph was repeated in all the columns of both the pages of the Bible which I opened! I saw it, my wife saw it, but the Lord had shown it only for that moment as proof to me. It is not there in the Bible. I was convinced and promised I will do my best to be an evangelist.
“SON, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?”
The very next moment I heard a booming voice in my ear: “Son, where are you going? You have still not confessed all your sins. Come back to Pota, confess your sins and forgive everyone in your life, and your wife will be healed.” Hearing this voice, I thought I was hallucinating. But I was so convinced that, after completing five hours of the train journey back to Goa, we returned to Pota. My wife was very unhappy with my decision, what with the tremendous pain and agony she was in. She could barely take a few steps.
I had learnt from a priest in the previous retreat that only the Holy Spirit could reveal and convict me of my sinfulness. So I begged the Holy Spirit to reveal my sins to me. I had made three confessions in the previous retreat and I thought I had confessed all my sins, but I was amazed the Holy Spirit revealed so many sins that three foolscap sheets were full with just the points. I confessed my sins fully. Then, a miracle happened.
Margaret, who had not been able to stand or move, was instantly healed! She jumped and danced for joy, climbing two steps at a time, glorifying God! At that moment I realized my God was really a living God who talks to us and walks the talk. He proved to me that I was called to be an evangelist. From that day, my life changed.
THREE DIMENSIONS
In the Couples for Christ we speak of living in Communion in three dimensions—Filial, Nuptial and Ecclesial.
Filial: Our very existence is a gift from God. We are created in His image and likeness. We are joint heirs with Christ—beholding the glory of the Lord, and being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another and one day will rule with Him. This is hard to imagine and live.
The Nuptial dimension of Communion makes us aware of the two states of life: We serve God either through our virginity, as religious or priests, or through our marriage. It is receiving the gift from God and becoming a self-gift to Him solely or to each other and Him in marriage.
Marriage gives us the unique dignity, honour and privilege to create a child in the image and likeness of God, to be Co-Creators with God by making a self-gift of ourselves free, total, faithful and fruitful. For this the couples need to work on individual holiness and seek true forgiveness, unity and mutual love.
The third dimension of Communion is Ecclesial: Marriage is a great mystery, which points to the nuptial union of Christ and His bride the Church. A communion of the love of all with God in the love that never ends.
Couples for Christ is a parish-based movement. Ours is a womb-to-tomb ministry, involving the whole family: Kids (4-11 years), Youth (12 – 21 years), Single (22 to marriageable age), Handmaids (widows or ladies whose husbands are abroad), and Servants of the Lord (widowers).
Six to seven couples are grouped together in one “Household.” We meet four times a month for two hours—twice a month as a whole unit with all the couples of the parish (around 50 couples in my parish) for a teaching night and once for witnessing what God is doing in our lives. Twice a month we meet for two hours in the house of a couple: 30 minutes for fellowship, where we talk about just about anything, and 30 minutes of Praise and Worship. Then one hour is spent in something we call the Confessing Community, where we confess how we are living out the Covenant of the Couples for Christ, which we have all taken.
COMMITMENT IN FOUR AREAS
Our Basic covenant covers four areas. During our Confessing Community, each one will give an account of their commitment, spelt out as follows:
(1) PERSONAL HOLINESS: (a) Personal Prayer; (b) Scripture Study; (c) Monthly Confession; (d) Sacraments.
(2) FAMILY:Compulsory Weekly Couple Dialogue, where we thank and praise each other for the week. If any hurts, or family issues exist, we discuss them. We may not necessarily agree on everything, but we listen to each other without arguing, and ask the Holy Spirit to guide us. We also encourage a monthly dialogue with children.
Each morning the couple hugs each other for three to five minutes, thanking and blessing God for the gift of each other. There is absolutely no talk, but only thanks and praise to God.
Every night, at bed time, the couple holds each other’s hand and thank each other for the various things done during the day, thank God for each other and pray for the needs of each other and the children specifically.
(3) COMMUNITY: We serve in the community by being present for all the meetings, teachings, retreats and programs. We also serve in the Parish or neighbourhood through the Church Ministries.
Each night before going to bed we compulsorily pray for each member of the Household, including the children by name.
(4) WITNESS: We approach strangers, friends and persons of other faiths to evangelize and witness.
During the Confessing Community, each person will publicly state if they were faithful to daily prayer and Bible reading, weekly couple dialogue, monthly confession, daily hugs and prayer for each member of the Household, and prayed together for their family every day. This accountability has brought about great changes in our lives.
After the Confessing Community we share the word of God and especially reflect on the word of God made flesh in our personal lives. We discuss problems affecting us and our families, and welcome sound advice coming from the elder brothers and sisters.
A great change taking place in the “Youth of Couples for Christ” today is this: Most weddings are celebrated without alcohol–something rare and difficult in Goa. There is praise and worship in the reception hall. Needless to say, the other guests are touched by what they see.
I am what I am today because of God’s mercy and through the Couples for Christ. From a person who used to fight with his wife five or six times a day, I have learnt to honour, love and cherish her. I truly believe that, for evangelization to be effective, the relationship of unity and love is essential—whether we be married couples, religious or priests.
My humble request to you, dear families, religious and priests: Pray for each other daily, especially when you feel like criticizing or grumbling. Work for love, unity of the Spirit and communion. Without that we can never evangelize and touch hearts. We would only grieve the Holy Spirit.
-Constantino D’Sa
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