Tips

We, priests and religious, should be good and exemplary teachers. I think it was St John Bosco who, in dealing with the young, realized how important it is to be a loving teacher and invited all the formators to be good and exemplary teachers in forming the young minds and hearts. Here is a letter written (I found it recently while preparing a message for Teachers’ Day) by a student to her teacher– Fr Richard Mascarenhas SJ

1. Be a human being, not just a teaching machine.
2. Do not teach only a subject, but rather teach us students.
3. Let me feel that you are interested in me as a human being not just a number in your notebook.
4. Do not judge me only by the marks I get in my tests, but rather by the effort I make.
5. Do not expect of me what is beyond my talent or power, but give me more encouragement from time to time.
6. Do not expect me to think of school and studies as the greatest pleasure of life. They are not, at least for me.

Fr Richard Mascarenhas SJ

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(We are happy to reproduce this email from the famous inspirational writer and resource person, Robin Sharma. See the six attitudes he stands strongly against. – Editor)

I’m not anti-many things. I do my best to live peacefully, to salute the gifts in others and to tread the earth with light footprints. I’m sure you do the same.

Yet I do believe there are a number of things that we—if we’re sincerely interested in a life of success and soulfulness—should fiercely resist. And protest.

Please allow me to share six of the primary ones:

1. Be Anti-Average.Who wants to follow the herd when it will only lead you off a cliff. Stand for higher standards than the crowd chooses. Abide by the wisest values (including honesty, courage, patience, understanding, mastery and kindness). Select activities that fuel your joy and accelerate your growth. Push work that is masterful. Exemplify possibility.

2. Be Anti-Superficial.What an era we inhabit! 10 second videos of people dancing are consumed by millions yet too many of the heroic books remain unread by most. Be a contrarian. Go deep versus really wide. Have rich conversations. Think interesting thoughts. Apply rigor and excellence and carefulness to all that you do. Be a heavyweight in a culture gone ultra-light.

ROBIN SHARMA

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Pope Francis gave a text called the “The Beatitudes of the Bishop” to all the Italian bishops meeting in plenary assembly in Rome in November 2021. It gives wise guidance and encouragement, not only to the 5000 Catholic bishops around the world, but to all who hold leadership roles in the church. It was written by Archbishop Domenico Battaglia of Naples, who first used it at the ordination of three new bishops. It is modeled on the eight beatitudes given by Jesus in the Sermon of the Mount. Pope Francis liked that text, and has made it widely known.

The beatitudes of the bishop refer to the poverty and suffering in the world and the pastor’s loving closeness to the people, as well as the temptations bishops and other religious leaders face.

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Recently, to my pleasant surprise, I met some of my former students from the seminary. They are priests now, some of them doing distinguished and creative work. The seminary was a real home, where they felt at home, and free to be themselves. For instance, many of them called me “Joe” (I was their professor, or dean, or vice-rector).

Meeting on the Net, one of them said, “Joe, you let us ask questions and let us think. This was a great help.” Others agreed.

This is not my merit. I owe this to professors I had in Rome and in the US, where we were encouraged to think for ourselves, ask questions, express different points of view. We were not told to “shut up and listen.”  I remember one brilliant professor who made changes in the textbook he had written as a result of our classroom discussions. He felt that some of the views we, students, expressed were worth integrating into the text. He said that he had gained new insights from the classroom discussion.

Education has three basic goals: to pass on existing knowledge to a new generation, to help them use their brains in creative ways, to develop soft skills (character, communication, relationships), including basic human values.

In the Indian way of teaching (in both schools and colleges—including seminaries and other formation houses), handing on existing knowledge is the priority. “Mugging up” is encouraged. Whoever can repeat correctly what the teacher taught in class will get high marks.

Creativity and thinking for oneself are not encouraged. At times they are positively discouraged, or even punished. The assumption seems to be: The teacher knows; the pupil does not. Let the pupil keep quiet and learn.

Fr Joe Mannath SDB

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A Different Logic

Father P. E. Abraham Panampara SDB (see photo) a Salesian whom many of us remember with the highest respect—for his simplicity of life, concern for the poor, dedication to the mission, and desire to work among the most underprivileged—was the principal of Sacred Heart College, Tiruppattur.   The college received more applications than the number of seats it had. It happened one year that he had to choose between a poor boy with low marks and a better-off boy with higher grades. The boy with the better marks was the son of the headmaster of one of the schools in the town

Fr Abraham gave the seat to the poorer boy, although his marks were lower. Then, the other boy’s father came to complain. He said, “Father, what you have done is unjust. My son had higher marks. You should have given the seat to him. But you gave admission to a boy with much lower marks.”

Father Abraham listened. He knew this headmaster. He told him, “Sir, I follow another type of justice.”

“What is that?”

“See, you are a headmaster, and you have connections. Even if your son does not get admission here, you will be able to get him a seat in some other college, even a more famous college in Chennai. But this boy’s parents are poor. They have neither money, nor influence. If I do not admit him, his studies will be over. That is why I gave that seat to him.”

“I respect your logic,” replied the headmaster. Though he was disappointed, he admired Fr Abraham’s values and the stand he took to admit the neediest students.

Is this how our schools and colleges operate?

Or, does money or pleasing “big shots” dictate our policies?

(By the way, when Fr Abraham died, his old students collected money to start scholarships for poor students.)

Fr Joe Mannath SDB

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Patrick, a twenty-two-year-old seminarian, writes me a mail asking me: “Father, I envy some of my companions who seem to make friends easily. They are popular. They are a hit wherever they go. I wish I too could mix like them, make friends, be popular. When I am in a new group, I don’t know what to say or do. I keep quiet. Later, I feel sorry I did not make some new friends. How can I learn to make friends?”

A similar query came from Venita, an undergraduate college student. She, too, felt shy and reserved, but wanted to make friends and be a “popular girl.”

We all want friends, don’t we? We want to be liked. Sure, who doesn’t? We fantasize being popular, don’t we?

Some of us think: “If I were pretty, like Rita, I would be popular”: “If I could crack jokes and make people laugh, I would be a hit, like Jack”; “If I were smarter and a good public speaker, I would have got many friends and admirers.”

Much of the time, we look at others, and wish we were more like them.

Nothing wrong with that; we can all learn good things from others. But just imagining that, to make friends, we need the looks or humor or money or skills which some others seem to have—this will not help.

Ten Tips

What will help a young person to make friends?

Here are simple, practical tips, culled from experience. If you want to make true friends, and have people you can count on, do the following things:

1. Help: “You can count on Brian anytime you need help,” his friends say enthusiastically about this young man. What they say is true. It is enough Brian hears of someone’s need—with extra manual work, like shifting furniture, or taking someone to the hospital, or picking up someone at the railway station or airport, you can truly count on Brian. He does it cheerfully, without making a fuss. In fact, he looks happy to help. This was the case in his family and neighborhood when he was growing up. It continues in the religious communities where he has lived. Any need? Count on Brian! People are not looking for big talkers, but genuine helpers.

Fr Joe Mannath SDB

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When we were doing a basic training in counselling at the Christian Counselling Centre, Vellore, one of the points drilled into us was: “Counselling is a relationship.”

Several of us had joined the programme to learn “techniques of counselling.” We thought we could pick up some simple skills or “techniques,” which would make us good counsellors.

There are some simple skills to learn if I want to drive a car or use a computer. Anyone can pick up these skills. It does not matter what my character is, whether I care about people or whether I am a saint or a crook.

It was sobering to learn that the main “tool” in counselling is not some trick picked up from a psychology book, but the person that I am.

In fact, those in any helping profession would do well to know the following finding of an American study comparing various approaches to group therapy—cognitive, Rogerian, Gestalt, Transactional Analysis, Psycho-dynamic, etc. This comparative study wanted to find out which approach was more effective in group therapy and counselling.

The main finding was a surprise.

THE KEY FACTOR IN COUNSELLING

The key factor in the effectiveness of counselling is not the approach used, but THE PERSON OF THE COUNSELLOR.

The best and most effective (or the worst and most ineffective) tool in helping people is yourself.

Fr Joe Mannath SDB

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Angela (name changed), a lecturer I know for years, received a moving, disturbing letter from a former student who wished she hadn’t been born. She wanted to meet this teacher again, hold her and cry her heart out. Let me quote a few lines from this letter which Angela forwarded to me (safeguarding the former student’s identity). She wanted my advice on how to help this desperate young woman who had no one to turn to.

“Miss, I literally have nothing to make you remember me. I have never been a person worth remembering…I don’t know why…you have been someone most dearest to me .. I wish to pour out my heart wanted to tell you a million things…things which will not make any sense to any other human being… there’s nothing out there for me to hope for or be happy about at least…I wish if at all I died all my organs could be donated and thus at least be of any help to anyone…ma’am you have always been a great inspiration for me…I am not in touch with any of my friends as I felt myself being burden to them … I don’t know what to do with my life…no one to guide me…prisoner of my own negativity, fear and anxiety and toxicity… wish if I could see you just to hug you and cry…just fed up of this fake life…  tell me a way out to love life and be happy and at peace to relieve myself off of all this trauma I am going through… I wish I weren’t born…I wish I ended…I wish I had someone to show me a way and guide me… someone who wouldn’t judge me and understand me…

Fr Joe Mannath SDB

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Fr Joseph Murphy SDB was principal of Sacred Heart College, Tiruppattur, Tamilnadu. If you were to ask anyone who was a student or faculty member in those years, “Whom do you recall with the greatest admiration?” the name that would come up most frequently was that of Fr Murphy.

Why? Why did and why do people remember him with so much admiration?

Three reasons, as far as I know.

One: Willingness to apologize.

Fr Murphy was strict. And he was hot-tempered. But, if he lost his temper with anyone, whether a staff member or student, he would go to that person the same day, and say, “Sorry I lost my temper with you today.” I have seen this happen.

How many teachers and principals would do the same?

Two: Kindness.

One day, a boy reached the college drenched to the skin. It was raining heavily, and he did not have an umbrella. Fr Murphy saw him from his office upstairs. He came down, and asked a group of us who were boarders, “Can one of you please go to the dormitory and get a dry shirt for that boy?” He did not want the young man to spend the day wearing a wet shirt.

Fr Joe Mannath SDB

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Matthieu Ricard, the so-called ‘happiest man in the world’, says: “If we can learn to ride a bike, we can learn to be happy.” He continues: “To be happy, we have to get rid of mental toxins, such as, hatred, obsession, arrogance, envy, greed and pride.”

Ricard suggests meditation as a way to free our mind from such mental toxins. He believes that meditation helps to create the inner space where the ‘antidote of toxins’ can grow. In other words, meditation has the potential to kick out negative feelings. Not only! It also facilitates the growth of the “mind-sickness’ antidote”: forgiveness, inner peace, humility, compassion, and even problem-solving capacity and creativity.

Here are the easy Five Steps to mindfulness meditation. It can be practiced anywhere and even for just a minute. Its effectiveness, however, requires constancy. Studies say that even just five minutes of mindfulness meditation, practised every day for a reasonably long period, is enough to positively affect a person’s overall well-being.

THE FIVE STEPS:

1. Location: If possible, find a quiet spot. If you are at home or in the chapel, try to ‘stick to the same spot’. Why stick to the same place? Because it helps to focus the mind and minimize the distractions of a changing environment. You can, however, practice mindfulness meditation anywhere.

2. Posture: Keep a straight spine with hands symmetrically placed. It does not matter whether you squat, sit on a chair or kneel down. What you need is to be straight without being rigid, relaxed but not sloppy, comfortable but not to the point of dozing off. The criterion for choosing your posture is to go for the one that you can keep comfortably for a longer period.

Regarding the posture, Mingyur Rinpoche, a meditation master, suggests imagining each part of our body resting on the one below, straight without worrying about ‘perfect’, resting but full of energy and strength.

3. Pre-meditation Preps: Keeping your eyes closed, acknowledge your surroundings, the noise, heat, smells, etc. It means paying non-judgemental attention to each, observing, making an effort to be in the now. Take three deep breaths.

4. Breath-awareness: First, find a ‘rhythm’ that suits you, for example, inhaling during four counts; keeping the breath in for seven counts; releasing the breath in eight counts and finally stillness (neither breathing in or out) for two counts. Go on with the cycle that suits you best for five minutes. Try keeping your mind focussed on your breath, on what happens to your body when you breathe.

5. Observe without judgement: Pay attention to your breath, to how you feel at the moment. Acknowledge all the other thoughts that occupy your mind without judging them or yourself. Don’t dwell on them either. As you become aware of them, just get back to your breath without hammering yourself for being distracted. Examples of distraction: thinking about food; sexual feelings or feelings of hurt. Never mind! Without feeling guilty for whatever creeps in, get back to your breathing.

At the end of the meditation, we open our eyes slowly and become present to what we feel in and out of our body.

As we said earlier, the benefits of mindfulness meditation come with constancy.

Another bonus is that, as we become ‘experts’ in the five-minute mindfulness meditation, we can also have quicker mindfulness meditation moments throughout the day. That means: wherever we are, we can pause and carry out the five steps.

Matthieu Ricard notes that, when we have a flash of anger or fear, when we undergo excessive stress or emotion, there follows some time during which we can’t think, rationalize or move on. These are the times when the pause of a quick mindfulness moment can help us get things in perspective. The same is suggested to deal with insomnia.

Once, when I was travelling by train, I heard a mother tell her teenage son, “Why don’t you do your meditation?”

I end by making the same invitation to you. Why not? Where not?