Growth Lab

The man prostrated himself in front of Sr Karuna. “If you had not caught my hand, I would have killed him. And I would have spent the rest of my life in jail. My children would have grown up without their father.”

This happened in a slum in Rourkela, Odisha, where Sr Karuna SSpS did wonderful work. Two men had fought. One of them took a knife and was going to stab the other man. Sr Karuna saw this, and stepped in courageously. She caught the man’s hand, and asked him not to stab the other man. She was able to prevent a death by stabbing. The furious attacker realized his mistake later, and came to thank Sister the next day.

Not everyone is lucky enough to be stopped from violent behaviour caused by anger. Some do not know what they are saying or doing when they are angry. They lose friends, get cut off from family members and neighbours—or commit despicable crimes.

Handling Emotions

We are human beings. We are neither angels, not mere animals. A part of being human is that we have feelings or emotions. We call some of them nice or positive—joy, compassion, liking, courage, etc. Others are called “negative,” because, left to themselves or expressed to excess, they do much harm. The chief negative emotions are: anger, fear, sadness and jealousy.

Making good decisions is an art we all need to master—a sure mark of maturity. It is not easy to develop sufficient wisdom for this. It takes guidance, reflection and much experience.

But if there one thing all of us need to learn when young is this: When NOT to take decisions.

Here is a one-line piece of advice:

DO NOT TAKE DECISIONS UNDER THE SWAY OF ANGER, FEAR, SADNESS OR JEALOUSY.

Such decisions are sure to be bad.

The angry man who was about to stab the other was acting like a mad man. He did not consequences or how serious the issue is, or whether there is a better way of handling the difference of opinion. Anger simply pushes him to lose control—and to grab the first weapon he finds, and kill the other.

Fr Joe Mannath SDB

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Suppose you worked hard at something, say, in cleaning a place, or teaching a group of students, or preaching, or writing a book, and you asked someone: “How do you find my work?” And that person does not mention anything good about your work, but points out only what he/she sees as defects. You will feel bad, right? Some of us may feel so discouraged, we may not want to do that work again.

And yet, this is what often happens in life. Most people, most of the time, take others’ good performance for granted, seldom say a word of appreciation, and are quick to notice and point out the flaws. We may treat our parents and others who did much for us this way.

People miss being affirmed. A sincere and direct word of appreciation would go a long way to energize people, create a positive spirit in the organization and make people want to work there. We know this in theory. We feel good when someone appreciates us. Why don’t we, then, do this for others?

A well-known British study asked 2000 mid-level managers what they missed most in their place of work. Their clear answer: Appreciation for what they were doing well.

Fr Joe Mannath SDB

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I met Sr Adele (name changed) at a meeting of the Conference of Catholic Psychologists of India, of which she is a member. Walking during a break one day, she shared this experience—which taught me a beautiful lesson.

“I found myself feeling low and losing my enthusiasm,” Adele said. “I asked myself why, and what I can do about it. Then I came to a simple solution: Whatever be my situation, I can put more love into it. Once I made this change, I have been happy.”

In fact, I met Adele at the reception desk when I reached the venue. She had already made the mental shift—from waiting for outside events and persons to make her happy to finding happiness by putting more love into every setting. She too was a participant, like me. After getting her room, she went to the reception desk and told those working there: “I am free. Do you need any help?” They were delighted with her offer. One of them told her, “Thank you, Sister. In fact, we are short of staff. Can you help here at the reception, to give the seminar material to each one, and to show them their rooms?”

Fr Joe Mannath SDB

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Suggested points for reflection, personal writing, group sharing, group prayer and committed action on multicultural issues. If you are discussing this in a religious community, you will need about 10-15 minutes for personal reflection and writing, another 45-60 minutes for mutual listening (not mutual attacks!), and a wise, acceptable person to lead the discussion.

1. Names or initials of my ten closest friends (outside my immediate family):………………………………………………………………………………………
2. Groups they belong to: Which “groups” do they belong to—by nation, region, race, language, caste, tribe, etc.?……………………………………………………………………………………

(The people you are closest to influence you the most. And they reveal much about your values, and about your largeness or narrowness of heart.)

3. When I meet new people, what do I notice or look for? Physical attraction, money, education, place of origin, caste, tribe, religion, character, commitment, shared values: …………………………………..

(My preferences show what is important for me.)

4. As I grow up, has my heart expanded or got narrower?………………………….

(Both things can happen. I can open my heart and mind to different persons and groups, or close myself against those I consider “outsiders.” A lot depends on my main values and the persons closest to me.)

5. Do I know persons who are known as good human beings—who mix with all, help anyone in need, and who do not discriminate? Many / some / very few / hardly any
6. Is multiculturalism (living and working with mutual understanding and respect towards persons of various cultures) a problem in your religious order or diocese or province? Yes, very much / Yes, occasionally / Not much / Not at all
7. On what basis do people in your community tend to experience divisions—language, region, caste, tribe, race, money, ….?
8. Are there mean and cruel expressions of division and bigotry? Which? Anonymous letters / meetings in secret / seniors favouring “their own” / superiors partial towards their “own group” / appointments made according to the group a person belongs to / financial abuses stemming from this / vocation promotion following group preferences rather than the qualities of the candidate / ……………………………………….
9. List some of the prejudices of “your group” about outsiders, eg, what you heard at home when you were small? “People of that place or caste or language or tribe are………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..Are these factual? How many persons of that group actually have these traits?…………
10. What are the main positive and negative traits of your group?

Positive: ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Negative: ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

11. Would the world be better if everyone had the traits your group has? Yes / No
12. Would the world be good/bad/poor/awful/ridiculous….if all of us were equal in mother tongue, looks, tastes, behaviour, ….?
13. As a priest or religious or Christian leader, what should be my ideal? Help my group? Help all? Help the neediest and the most discriminated against?
14. The Gospels are counter cultural: They challenge us to accept the good points from all, but reject the inhuman traits in all. Which aspects of my culture are worth propagating? Which should be challenged, changed or even given up?
15. Would our works in India be possible if Christians elsewhere thought: “Let us help our own. Why should we help people of other places or races?” Yes / No
16. What have your learnt from mixing with persons of different cultures?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

17. By the time you die, what kind of a human being do you want to become: A universal human being open to all? A bigoted person boasting of one’s culture and putting down others? An enemy of the “outsider”? A large-hearted person welcoming the refugee, the orphan, the persecuted—whatever their background?
18. What are the main reasons for “groupism” and divisions—greed, fear, search for power, search for money, prejudices rising from ignorance,…?
19. Will you be happier living with: only persons from your place, caste, tribe, age, religion, race, country….or with people from a variety of backgrounds? Why? …………………….

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

20. Is religious faith meant to divide human beings (“We are better, others are bad,…”) or bring people together? Open our heart to others, as God’s beloved children, or reject them as dangerous outsiders, heretics, infidels, unclean, etc.?
21. Jesus is our model, teacher and norm: For whom did he care? With whom did he mix? Did he tell us that any group is better than others? Would he approve our excluding persons and groups from our love and respect?

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